Five Minute Friday: What Mama Did

So back to The Five Minute Friday. It’s part of the writing community with Lisa Jo Baker – tales from a Gypsy Mama. She provides a one word prompt (this week more than one!), and we write for five minutes, then hit publish. No editing or second guessing. I think I'm going to like this week ...

This week: What Mama Did

Go

She gave me grace.

In how she lived her life. In her example. In what she lived for me. I saw with my child’s eyes, then with growing eyes, then with adult eyes, and now with my own mother’s eyes, how my own Mama lived grace each day.

My lovely Mama

So much of it was in the way she moved throughout her days. I know in my mind that we often rushed places, but I don’t remember rushing. I don’t remember her being frazzled, or hurried, or aggravated – all those things that I struggle with as a mom. I remember her encouraging me: in piano lessons, through math problems, in the midst of friendship crises that would seem to consume me. I remember her taking time to sip tea – always tea. And she’d fix it in the prettiest cup. With lemon on the side. And we’d sit and talk. I remember her quiet times – she always had time for quiet time with God. And I loved her desk and all its accoutrements; piled high with books and notebooks and pens. All of this grace.

Talking to her now, I know there were struggles. I know she had her frustrations. But she carried them so well – so far removed from me. I wish I could do that better.

The grace she gave me allowed me to come to her to share and talk – even about the hard things. It still does. It continues to draw me back over the years (and miles: we're so far away now, I wish we were closer) – and it continues to be a template I look toward; hoping that I might be able to emulate some of that grace in my own life to give my own daughter something to remember.

Stop

Five Minute Friday: Beloved

I’ve just discovered a delightful new writing exercise: The Five Minute Friday. It’s part of the writing community with Lisa Jo Baker – tales from a Gypsy Mama.  She provides a one word, and we write for five minutes, then hit publish. No editing or second guessing. Should be interesting. And daunting. And terrifying. And exhilarating.

This week: Beloved

Go

Of course I had to give it a try. Five minute Fridays? A chance to just write and not censor and just go? Couldn’t turn that down. Of course, I didn’t discover it until Saturday. Rule breaker. Rebel. That’s me. Only encouragement from my new writer’s group gave me the go-ahead to give it a whirl anyway.

But that word. Beloved. Really? Of all the words to start with? I’d have wished for a different one. I’m not feeling very loved or very lovely at the moment (for a lot of long moments) and “beloved” just makes me prickly. So what is it with me? That I struggle so much to Be Loved? I don’t think five minutes is long enough to untangle that ball of string. No, not really.

But it makes me think about things I’m working on. Being thankful. Being real. Being authentic. All of those may eventually lead to me being in a space where I’m okay with Being Loved. I think it’s because I’m not good at receiving. I’m really not. I’m a much better giver – I love that – enjoy that to its fullest. But being on the other end – not so much. But one of the many lessons on this desert road of mine has been a strong lesson in receiving. Allowing others to give me grace, to allow God to meet my needs with human hands, to bless me through others. And to be okay with it. More than okay. To rejoice in it.

Stop

ash wednesday 2013

in fire and ash
i begin again.

another journey,
another road,
another venture into discovering the desert of letting go.

all culminating
in the glorious hallelujah
of resurrection.

yet still,
i begin humbly –
in quiet, penitent solitude.