Thursday, February 19, 2015

Five Minute Friday - Lord, Let Me Be Open

On Fridays a bunch of brave writers gather here to all spend 5 collective minutes writing on a single prompt. It’s a great way to catch your breath at the end of a long week. This blessed, beautiful place where we open our hearts and let words and tears and the inner workings of our lives bleed and flow and dance across the virtual pages. Yes, this community opens wide and invites you in to share. Come and visit and read. You will be blessed.

This week: Open 

Go 

Despite the challenges of the day, part of me is still sitting quietly in last night’s Ash Wednesday service. The candles flicker their soft glow against the stained glass windows darkened with dusk. Our names are read one by one. With reverence – as they and the transgressions we confess are laid before the throne of grace and consumed in the intensity of the fire. Flames dance off the hammered copper bowl. Burnt paper and a slight hint of incense perfumes the air.

I love the purity of the fire.

I am astonished at how much this moves me.

It always moves me, but tonight is different.

Is this, Lord, what it feels like to bend low and allow my heart to break with the things that break yours? 


I wonder if I am seeing anew. Hearing anew. Taking that brave risk into vulnerability to believe and choose and step into sacrifice. Lord, let me be open to all those things.

Let my eyes be opened to see you fully. May I see the needs in the world around me and respond with the compassion that flows from your heart. Let me see even the little things – the ones that seem slight, trivial, not worth a mention. Sometimes it is the little things.

Let my ears be open to hear your Word. Your Word and the words of others who seek you. As I come with deliberate intention into this time of meditation. Let me hear.

Most of all, let my heart be open. Let the hard walls I keep wrapped around me soften in the warmth of your love. Allow me to let the floodgates open. Allow me to blow open the windows of my heart to receive the fresh air of your spirit.

Lord, let me be open.

Stop





How to Join 
Want to know about Kate Motaung, how Five Minute Friday got started, and how to participate? All the details are here. No editing or second guessing. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community. I'd love to connect with you some more - stop on by the Three Bees Facebook Page or connect with me on Twitter @3BeesBlueBonnet. Let's continue the conversation!

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

The Consecration of Fire and Ash (Ash Wednesday 2015)


It is the holy time of year again – though in truth, it is all holy and hallowed. But this time of remembrance is even more set apart. Quiet. Meditative. This time of surrender and sacrifice. Bending low beneath the shadow of his wings.

Fire and ash consecrate. 
As we contemplate. 
As we commemorate and consider all that has been done for us.

Grace upon grace – how much has come down – flowing in tears, and blood. How much has been given so that I can be forgiven?

Fire and ash consecrate. 
As we contemplate. 
As we commemorate and consider all that has been done for us.

And so I come to this time between times – to this time of anticipation – and decide what it is I will be surrendering; what I will be sacrificing; what it is I will lay down of my own accord; so I can take up the things that matter more: humility, compassion, kindness, and hope.

Fire and ash consecrate. 
As we contemplate. 
As we commemorate and consider all that has been done for us.

I do not always choose sacrifice. There are seasons where I am all too consumed with the immediacy and tyranny of the urgent. Caught up with the day to day.  Distracted by the details of marking the passage of time. Overwhelmed by the busyness of doing – not dwelling enough in the practice of being. I choose this year – and it terrifies me. Choosing a small thing; the root of a larger thing; this thing that can effect actual heart change. I am afraid. I am afraid to believe.

Fire and ash consecrate. 
As we contemplate. 
As we commemorate and consider all that has been done for us.

Words. Voice. Mouth. They are not always an instrument for good. Or change. Or encouragement. So often my words drip with sarcasm. They pierce with criticism. They curse with fierce nihilism. There is emptiness in the cursing – a momentary release – and then regret. I want to lift this up. I want to hand this over. I need the strength of the rock that is higher. This hard thing. I want to find the brave strength bigger than the hard thing.

Fire and ash consecrate. 
As we contemplate. 
As we commemorate and consider all that has been done for us.

Turning eyes heavenward with my intention – praying already for grace and forgiveness for the falling down – I keep these words close as my prayer for forty days and beyond those days:

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14 ESV

Lord I believe. Help my unbelief.



This is my Ash Wednesday story. And I'm joining up with Jennifer Dukes Lee and the #TellHisStory crowd to share. Because every story matters.

I'd love to connect with you some more - stop on by the Three Bees Facebook Page or connect with me on Twitter @3BeesBlueBonnet. Let's continue the conversation!

Friday, February 13, 2015

Five Minute Friday - When He Says He Loves You

On Fridays a bunch of brave writers gather here to all spend 5 collective minutes writing on a single prompt. It’s a great way to catch your breath at the end of a long week. This blessed, beautiful place where we open our hearts and let words and tears and the inner workings of our lives bleed and flow and dance across the virtual pages. Yes, this community opens wide and invites you in to share. Come and visit and read. You will be blessed.

This week: When

Go

This conversation happened this morning in our house …

My husband: You’re so beautiful.
Me: (with heavy disbelief and sarcasm): Whhhaaattt?

My husband: I’m so glad you’re mine.
Me: (disbelief still firmly in place) Dude, shut up.

My husband: I love you.
Me: (with a big sigh, hiding under the covers) I’m not sure I believe you.

As I look at this conversation in print, I’m embarrassed and appalled. I might try to blame first-thing-in-the-morning-itis, but the truth is, this is an honest struggle for me. Despite the fact that my husband is truly and completely my best friend who I’ve been with for over twenty years and despite the fact that I know he does love me – he shows me every day with tangible actions; I struggle on a deep, hidden level to truly believe in that love, and that he does desire me, and is happy that I’m his.

This has nothing to do with him, but everything to do with me. And my struggle to feel attractive, adequate, desirable, worthy, and enough. Let’s call that bad wiring. Because this is the man who literally binds up my broken places on a daily basis, cooks and cleans more than most husbands I know, is infinitely patient beyond anyone I know, and who keeps the romance alive in our relationship enough to make our tween daughter make faces and flee the room. I am a truly blessed woman.


In the split second after I challenged the three loving sentences my husband spoke to me this morning, I realized I very often have the same reaction when God speaks to me.

God: Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves. (Song of Solomon 1:15 ESV)
Me: (with heavy disbelief and sarcasm): Whhhaaattt?

God: I’ve redeemed you. I’ve called your name. You’re mine. When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. That’s how much you mean to me! That’s how much I love you! I’d sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you. (Isaiah 43: 2 & 4 MSG)
Me: (disbelief still firmly in place) Dude, shut up.

God: I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with loving-kindness have I drawn you and continued My faithfulness to you. (Jeremiah 31:3 AMP)
Me: (with a big sigh, hiding under the covers) I’m not sure I believe you.

Again, this has nothing to do with the amazing, infinite God of the universe who loved me (loved us) enough to send his son to redeem his chosen ones, but everything to do with my struggle to feel worthy – and as if I must do something to earn and deserve this love. Head knowledge vs. heart knowledge. I believe. Lord, help my unbelief.

I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this, so on this day before Valentine’s Day – the day when the commercial big wigs have decided that we will celebrate being loved and being I love, I would like to speak this truth over my life and yours:

God loves you.

He cares for you. Is interested in you. Is invested in having a real, organic, active relationship with you. He loves you beyond measure and he knows your name.  This has nothing to do with what you can earn or what you will do. It just is. Doubt, fear, and questions about self-worth may creep in – I know. But keep coming back to and never let go of the written declarations and the written promises that he has given us.

He loves us.
He loves me.
He loves you.

Let’s believe together in the truth of that.

Stop



And for the love ... don't forget to visit this post for a chance to win a package of Shabby Chic Treasures - the give-away closes tomorrow night!

How to Join
Want to know about Kate Motaung, how Five Minute Friday got started, and how to participate? All the details are here. No editing or second guessing. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.

I'd love to connect with you some more - stop on by the Three Bees Facebook Page or connect with me on Twitter @3BeesBlueBonnet. Let's continue the conversation!

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Tuesday Grace Notes – Shabby Chic + A Give Away

If you watch my style – how I dress, how I decorate, how I love to deck my world – the term casual elegance might come to mind. That is, after you moved past the term “epic disaster” and “colossal mess.” I’m only half kidding here. Let’s re-phrase and say I aspire to casual elegance and achieve it some of the time. The rest of the time, my life tends to be a well lived-in mess in progress. But I love clean simple lines, muted colors, and (at least in outfitting myself) a lot of black.

But deep in my heart of hearts, I have a soft spot for gently distressed furniture, denim and white, vintage everything, and lots of faded florals. I can’t live with it in large quantities, but I can’t completely let it go.

Rachel Ashwell launched her carefully curated line of vintage floral items in 1989 and named it Shabby Chic, she made it okay – trendy even – to fall in love with our faded jeans, ruffles, and soft, pink cabbage roses splashed over a field pale green. Shabby Chic has run up and down the trends over the years, but the style remains distinct, appealing, and utterly feminine.

To me, the Shabby Chic concept evokes relaxation, pampering, a necessary indulgence in beautiful things, and a connection to wonderful memories past. It’s the soft wash of watercolor, the glow of candlelight, and the feel of linens worn to perfect, comfortable sheerness. Shabby Chic has grace.

As Valentine’s Day approaches, it seems the perfect time to share a little of the romance in this line with my readers – I hope you’ll love it as much as I do.

My own curated collection of Shabby Chic themed treasures includes a 5” x 7” journal with pen, a small notepad with pen, 12 pencils, and half a dozen decorative clothespins (those aforementioned soft, pink cabbage roses splashed over a field pale green). In addition, I’m including a set of four magnets by my friend Susan (made when she had her own wonderful line, Vintage Susie) and a pale pink pen by Studio G because. Well. You know me and pens.

The giveaway will close at midnight on Saturday, February 14 and will be mailed out the following week. Since I’m mentioning Susan’s former line, I should also mention that she currently reps for Origami Owl (another thing you’ll see a lot of if you follow me on Instagram or Twitter). I’m a huge fan of their long chains and charms and lockets you can customize for any occasion. If you enjoy beautiful, sparkly items – necklaces, earrings, and the like, I hope you’ll visit her online to see if you find anything you’ll fall in love with.



a Rafflecopter giveaway
Tuesday Grace Notes are an opportunity for me to share a small bit of harmony amidst the other things I write about. Truly, they are meant to be shorter than my usual pieces (laugh with me here), and just a little something to add a touch of beauty to my life and yours. One week it might be a wonderful book I’ve read and can’t put down. Maybe it will be one of the movies I love (or its soundtrack). You might find a favourite recipe here. Or the new soap I’ve just discovered. You’ll find that many of them are inspired by my mother and the things she taught me about living a gentle, elegant life. I hope you’ll join me as more things are shared.

I'd love to connect with you some more - stop on by the Three Bees Facebook Page or connect with me on Twitter @3BeesBlueBonnet. Let's continue the conversation!

Friday, February 6, 2015

Five Minute Friday – The Things We Need to Keep On Doing

I’m a bit late. I haven’t been writing lately. I have been quiet. I have been listening. My words have felt lost in a fog – and I’ve been running about experimenting with all sorts of other fun things – but the words never really cease. They never truly quiet. When I saw the prompt last night – after silently lurking in the Twitter Party – it made me think about the things that need to happen even in the midst of quiet; even when our words are fallow; even when life is hard. So many things came pouring out, so you’ll have to forgive me for the length. I think there’s going to be some words here. I’ll let you know when I hit my five minutes, and if you’d like to go on, I hope you will.

And because I always say this … the Five Minute Friday community opens wide and invites you in to share. Come and visit and read. You will be blessed.

This Week: Keep 

Go 

2015 began much quieter for me than normal. Not that I’m not already pretty quiet as it is, but there’s usually a bit more activity with hanging new calendars, preparing goals, organizing and categorizing, and again, more activity to launch the next three hundred sixty-five days.

But then right after New Year, I came down with a wicked case of strep throat. Mercy. I don’t think I’ve had this as an adult, and had clearly forgotten what it feels like. Let me tell you – it’s like swallowing glass 24/7 until your meds kick in. And after that, other medical issues as I took an involuntary break from the meds that make my body function as close to normal as possible. It was a bit of a snowball and the beginning of the year evaporated; the calendar flipped; February appeared in all its red and pink glory; and I felt lost, ill-prepared, and unready.

And yet.

Things continued to move forward. Without my consent. Without my preparation. Without my readiness. I even continued to move forward. I got up and went to work. I ate, slept, mothered, put on pretty red lipstick, worked on computers with all the viruses and malware, and collapsed on the weekend. Why? Because you don’t get to stop. We don’t have a pause button. Time carries on and so must we.

But my discontent and disorientation made me think about the moving on and the things that need to continue on – especially in the crazy times. I thought about the things that we need to keep on doing.

We need to keep on giving thanks … 
A few years ago, I discovered Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts and took of the practice of counting thanks and trying to live in to the philosophy of eucharisteo – that the miracle is preceded by thanks. I am not as diligent with this as I should be – as many of my friends are – but I do try to make note (and write them in my little notebook when I remember) and to create that visible history of thanks to look back on. God moves in the big and the little things, and remembering to give thanks in all things is a beautiful practice that keeps our eyes and hearts focused on the one from who all blessings flow. If you haven’t read Ann’s book or explored the idea of counting thanks I would really encourage you to give it a go. I’d also invite you to check out my friend Sarah Jo’s blog – she does a wonderful job of capturing the counting.

We need to keep in community … 
I’ll tell you right now that this is hard one for me in practice. I embrace the theory whole-heartedly, but my gut reaction when things get rough is to withdraw into myself. I go it alone. I stick my chin out; grit my teeth; and forge ahead. Which can be fine – and as an introvert – the quiet of alone can be very refreshing for me. But introvert or not, we are communal creatures – created to live and thrive in relationships. And the truth is, there are some things that can’t – and shouldn’t – be borne alone. I am blessed with an abundance of friends – online and in real life – who pray and cheer and encourage me. But they do that best when I am communicating and sharing and being vulnerable enough to ask for help. I imagine you have these resources too – people who love you and want the very best for you and your life. Don’t be afraid to reach out – it’s always better if we do this together.

And that friends, is my five minutes. But I have a few more things on my mind, and you are more than welcome – invited even – to continue on reading with me. 

We need to keep in the Word … 
I am preaching to myself here because I am never here enough. But when I am – and when you are – together we will hear his voice and bear witness to the life and miracles that he has done and the life and miracles that he will do. I don’t want to clutter this one with my words. Just his.
Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. John 15: 4-8 
We need to keep forging ahead … 
Are you wrestling with health issues? Are you in the middle of a painful separation? Is motherhood making you feel like a failure? Do your finances feel like a fragile glass? Maybe the whole of your life feels like it’s on the brink of collapse. Hold on friend. I’ve been there. I’m still there, in fact. There are areas of my life that feel completely out of my control – where no matter how hard I work or strive, nothing improves. Nothing gets better. Nothing changes. There are times I feel like everything is a fight. And I am so very tired of fighting. But we can’t stop. We don’t stop. That part about no pause button? It’s hard, isn’t it? But our hope is found in nothing less than his blood and righteousness that spills out in grace and mercy covering a multitude of struggles. In these times of struggle, we need to wrest our eyes from the grime and the dirt and the struggle of the everyday – these fights we’re fighting – and look to Jesus. Just look to him. I know it may feel like you’re seven star falls away from heaven, but trust that he knows you. He sees you. He loves you. Keep on moving.

More than anything, I pray that when you read these words that have been given to me, that you hear grace. I don’t want you to hear judgment. Or misunderstanding. Or be left feeling with a sense of lack or inadequacy. I write from my own place of struggle and my desperate need to remember who I belong to and who’s I am – and who calls me enough – in spite of my messy fall downs.

Life can be exhausting and hard. But even in the midst of the hard, if we take the time, we can find the glory in the ordinary. The light through the window on a child’s hair as they rest. The way your husband’s hand rests on the small of your back – just a reminder that he’s there. The unexpected card, text, or email from a friend – just to cheer you. The surprise rainbow through the rain over the crowded freeway as you drive home. Life is hard. But it is the dirt under our nails and the tears on our faces that remind us that we are living. And that while we are living here on this plane, we have so much more to look forward to in the life to come.

Know that as you read this that you are not alone. My quiet prayer in these words is that you will have a very real sense of the presence of God – and that you will know and understand how very much he loves you. And that he is with you no matter where you are. Sunlight or shadow. Smile or tears. Rolling with laughter or sitting tightly holding yourself together. Keep on believing that he is here. And he will never leave you alone.

Stop



How to Join
Want to know about how Five Minute Friday got started, and how to participate? All the details are here. No editing or second guessing. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.

I'd love to connect with you some more - stop on by the Three Bees Facebook Page or connect with me on Twitter @3BeesBlueBonnet. Let's continue the conversation!