Saturday, November 3, 2012

The Trick of Transparency

Lately, I’ve been challenged to be real. To be authentic. To be transparent. To be honest.

I’m laughing.  In that painful, reality-smacks-you-in-the-face kind of way.

I could have stopped that first sentence at “lately, I’ve been challenged.” And that’s exactly what makes the rest of it such a challenge. Or to not be so polite - so damn hard. Authenticity. Transparency. Honesty. Being real. It’s what so many of us want; what we're encouraged to strive for in our lives. But what happens when reality is too real. Too authentic? Let’s be honest – too scary? Can it be too real? Do you ever wonder, "will I be understood (accepted) if I let people see what really is real?"

It’s much easier to try and simulate real. To give an illustrious illusion of what real is – a measure of how much of our reality we think people around us can handle. Or me, speaking from my core – how much of my reality I think people can take before they take a real good look and run screaming from my presence. Because sometimes, I think that’s what would happen if I let everyone around me see what the real me actually looks like.

Am I willing to let go of this façade that friends and family have? I know what some think they see – I’ve played with the word brainstorming; done the exercises; tagged friends in the online games. Lovely, descriptive, admirable words come pouring back upon me like a shower of gifts: creative, loyal, driven, peaceful, resourceful, calming. You could almost imagine that I’m a nice person when you look at them. But I have hard time owning those words in their entirety. I don’t disavow them completely – because I’m striving to reach them. But I see others intertwined in their midst: darkness, frailty, brokenness, fractured incapability, lightning-fast impatience, and above all, a consuming anger that could set the world to flame. Would I still be loved and wanted if everyone around me could see the darkness that overwhelms me at times? It makes me a little bit mad to say, “Yes, I would care. Yes, I still want to be loved.”

At times – so much of the time. Lately – it’s all I can do to keep my head above water – to keep on breathing. To keep smiling. To keep going on. And so I’m trying to keep going. To keep moving forward. Because that’s what you do. You can’t stand still because then you just start sliding backwards. And the last place I need to go is back. In going forward, I am making intentional steps towards something more; something better. Taking my mess and making it matter.

I read recently that we need our messy stories. We need to write them and we need to share them. Because sharing them allows the Spirit of God to bind up our wounds and the wounds of those who read them and are impacted by them. But it's a risk – that trick of transparency – being brave enough to show your mess to the world. So I'm choosing to be brave – a little braver each day – a little braver each time I write. And trust that in revealing my own mess, somewhere, the Spirit will bind up a wound, and spill grace abundant into someone's life. Leaving them just a little bit less alone in their mess.

6 comments :

  1. Hi Rebekah. I love that you're choosing to be brave. There's a courage that comes from revealing the mess, but there's another sort of courage that comes from also sharing the beauty, the success. Like you, I'm finding my way in discovering the balance of it all. Love your heart to connect and be grace to others. x

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  2. Rebekah, there are few things more beautiful to me than vulnerability. And you shine beautifully here in all your messy human glory. I believe it's in our vulnerability -- our recognition that we are both enough and not enough -- that we receive the deep down tender love of our Almighty God. I love that you chose to introduce yourself to our (in)couraging writers group this way. It says much about the growth you desire to see in your life. May God bless you as you pursue his ways for you. Happy to have "met" you after seeing your face around the internet. :-)

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  3. Rebekah, I am just starting my journey of writing and I dont know much but, I know your words are truth. Being transparent is definitely tricky but allowing others to see/read realness is what connects us. It connected me to you. I want God to be glorified through my words, on paper or otherwise, and in saying that, I would rather people tear me down for keeping in real than build me up for something I am not. Thank you for sharing this. It's me present day and I look forward to reading where your authenticy has taken you over the last year.

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  4. Rebekah, I am just starting my journey of writing and I dont know much but, I know your words are truth. Being transparent is definitely tricky but allowing others to see/read realness is what connects us. It connected me to you. I want God to be glorified through my words, on paper or otherwise, and in saying that, I would rather people tear me down for keeping in real than build me up for something I am not. Thank you for sharing this. It's me present day and I look forward to reading where your authenticy has taken you over the last year.

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  5. Girl... all I can say is that I see you. I mean - honestly - in brokenness and beauty... I see you.

    That's the thing about kindred spirits... it really doens't matter what sort of mask is held up - if slow enough to really focus in... we can see... we can know... we can be healed and give grace... we can (...you know it's got to be said!) Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.

    And oh... how you do that, my friend!
    Oh how you do!

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  6. Breaking down the walls is oh so hard. But as I think we all learned this fmfparty, it's so freeing. Love this, Rebekah.

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Thank you for the kindess of your comment. I pray your patience with the word verification. I've had such troubles with spammers lately. Thank you for grace. I look forward to reading all the comments and responding. I appreciate you!