On Fridays a bunch of brave writers gather here to all spend 5 collective minutes writing on a single prompt. It’s a great way to catch your breath at the end of a long week. This blessed, beautiful place where we open our hearts and let words and tears and the inner workings of our lives bleed and flow and dance across the virtual pages. Yes, this community opens wide and invites you in to share. Come and visit and read. You will be blessed.
This week: Release
And this is how it happened today. With someone I’ve never met before. Because sometimes when they listen; kindness and compassion will shatter you.
She asked the easiest question: “so, tell me how you’re doing.”
It was physical therapy. A safe place. It’s supposed to be helping me. But this is me. And to be honest, there aren’t many safe places. And I spend most of my time holding it in; carrying on; making it work. That’s just what I do.
But sometimes holding it in and being wound tight like a spring works only for so long. And then the unexpected kindness of someone who actually listens – who actually takes a vested interest in caring about the thing hurting you most – takes it out of you and everything comes out in a rush of tears and squints and apologies that are far more unnecessary than you know.
So after I lost it in front of a stranger. And after she laid her healing hands on me and took me another small step in the direction of healing. And after I had some time to reflect on the pain – the physical pain as well as the pain of not being heard – I realized that I don’t just do this with people – strangers or not. I do this with God.
Yes. With the God of the Universe. Creator of all things. Who knows me better than I know myself. Constantly. Consistently. In spite of knowing better. In my head. All the time. (I need so many reminders)
I am a problem solver. I am a fixer. I am a do-er. I am used to the weight of the world resting on my shoulders. I am not good at letting go.
Yet the passage I have been clinging to for months reminds me each time I look at it, that it is the unforced rhythms of grace that I want. It is the recovery of life that comes from resting in the green pastures the God will lead me to. If I follow him. It is the free and light living I will have. If I keep company with him.
Have you been there?
Perhaps you’re there right now.
Caught in the midst of a struggle – some pain that has plagued you? Some situation that refuses to resolve itself? A weight resting on your shoulders that makes each daily step feel as though you’re carrying a load of stones?
May I invite you to enter into the reminder of release with me? I know you know it. I know I know it. But can we come and know it again together? Let’s walk back to the foot of the cross of the King, where rest and relief can be found. Let’s try to linger there in his presence just a little bit longer this time. I know we tend to wander. But let’s stay for just a little while here; wondering at the gift of grace. Each day, just a little longer.
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