The Light of Hope

The darkness falls quickly these days – we have changed the long, luxurious days of summer for the even longer, chilly nights of winter. While I love the holidays this time of the year and the cozy factor that comes from all the warm sweaters and my favorite scarves, I find myself missing the long sunsets and bright mornings of summer.

Which is why the holiday seasons we revel in these winter months – Advent, Hanukkah, and Christmas – bring such delight. These festivals of light. These celebrations of anticipation and thankfulness.

For Advent this year, I’m going back to re-read The Greatest Gift, by Ann Voskamp (along with several fellow writers and, perhaps, the whole of the (in)courage community!) and our family will be reading, Unwrapping the Greatest Gift (also authored by Ann) and discovering the Jesse Tree in our Advent family devotion time.

Tonight at the table, we lit the first Advent candle – the candle of hope.

I read from one of my favorite chapters in Isaiah – 40 – and shared these words of hope with my sweet family gathered near:

Comfort, comfort my people, says your God.
Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and cry to her
that her warfare is ended,
that her iniquity is pardoned,
that she has received from the Lord’s hand double for all her sins.
A voice cries:
“In the wilderness prepare the way of the Lord;
make straight in the desert a highway for our God.
Every valley shall be lifted up, and every mountain and hill be made low;
the uneven ground shall become level, and the rough places a plain.
And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed,
and all flesh shall see it together, for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”

For the mouth of the Lord has spoken. 

What else could bring hope more, than the utterance of assurance from the God of the universe? What he has spoken will come to pass. What he spoken is true, and right, and will be honored.  His word stands forever and it the foundation of our lives.

I also love the hope declared at the end of this chapter:

He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.

Are your tired and weary? Has this year been more than you feel you can bear? Does it feel as if the light of this season cannot possibly reach into the depths of your suffering and struggle?

He hears and he knows. The Father of compassion, the God of all comfort sees your heart and reaches out now and always to draw you near. To give you strength. To give you endurance. To give you hope.

I pray that the light of hope will be kindled and renewed in your hearts as we move forward into this season of discovering the greatest gift.

I'd love to connect with you some more - stop on by the Three Bees Facebook Page or connect with me on Twitter @3BeesBlueBonnet. Let's continue the conversation!

Five Minute Friday - Still

No matter how scattered or organized; how empty or brimming with creativity; how filled with joy or laid low by anger and frustration; how wrapped in community or wandering in self-imposed loneliness, I always find rest in the writing and grace in the embrace of Grace and welcome of friends.

On Fridays a bunch of brave writers gather here to all spend five collective minutes writing on a single prompt. It’s a great way to catch your breath at the end of a long week. This blessed, beautiful place where we open our hearts and let words and tears and the inner workings of our lives bleed and flow and dance across the virtual pages. Yes, this community opens wide and invites you in to share. Come and visit and read. You will be blessed.

This week: Still

Go

I can be calm. I can be quiet. No one who knows me would tell you that I am a boundless ball of energy.

I am not a Tigger personality.

I may be an introvert,
But I am not still.

If intensity can vibrate softly, tenuously poised on tension’s edge; if ferocity can roar soundlessly; if wildness can be contained beneath the muted, glass-faced front of self-control – all the while flinging about beneath it; that would be me.

There are words and ideas I yearn for: release,
rest,
relaxation,
respite.
I don’t know how.
I am not still.

The news ticker of my mind runs laps while for now, my physical body struggles to walk complete a circuit of the local market. I am continually trying to argue and fight against this fact and turn it into a myth.  I am not still.

My spirit longs to pause before the throne of grace – longs to know what it is to truly leave things there in trust. Not leave it, then come dashing back ; somehow sure that my own watch care can discern the answer that would find far better resolution and assurance in the hands that fashioned Saturn’s rings. I am not still.

After how many lessons and a journey well-marked with my own tangents and segues between point A and point next that were redeemed by grace beyond measure – how many times do I still wonder, and question, and demand, and fret, and worry?

I am not still.

And yet (bless those saving words)

He remains.
He is still here.
He has never left.
Moving through kairos time – always and everywhere altogether –
All the while, fully still and complete.
He remains.

Under His hand,
I can be still.

Stop

How to Join
Want to know about how Five Minute Friday got started, and how to participate? All the details are here. No editing or second guessing. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.

I'd love to connect with you some more - stop on by the Three Bees Facebook Page or connect with me on Twitter @3BeesBlueBonnet. Let's continue the conversation!

Five Minute Friday - Leave

Fair warning – this is going to be an emotional, hot mess. I knew the second I saw the prompt, what I would be writing. There are already tears pouring down my face. I’m sorry. I don’t know any other way to do it.

On Fridays a bunch of brave writers gather here to all spend five collective minutes writing on a single prompt. It’s a great way to catch your breath at the end of a long week. This blessed, beautiful place where we open our hearts and let words and tears and the inner workings of our lives bleed and flow and dance across the virtual pages. Yes, this community opens wide and invites you in to share. Come and visit and read. You will be blessed.

This week: Leave

Go

It is terrible, awful place when you come to the point in your life when you have to seriously consider your parents’ mortality.

It’s not like this is a surprise. Birth. Life. Death.  It’s pretty well laid out an understood. But don’t we understand it on a completely different level when the birthing, living, and dying becomes the experience and story of someone we know? Someone who is close to our heart? Someone who is in our heart?

My father is in the hospital. Again. This is not a new thing. And perhaps, not even a surprise. He has been with us here on this earth for eighty years, and against so many odds, has remained with us through several strokes and other major illnesses.

Through it all, he has been a stalwart survivor. Beyond belief. Every time I got a call about another stroke; every time I had to get on a plane to fly home, I thought, “This is it. This is going to be the time I have to say goodbye.”

Three thousand miles away with no highway to get there is a rotten place to be when your family needs you. Just a plane. Which means hedging, and guessing, and planning – when to go, how long to hold off. What time is the right time? Let me tell you – there is no time. Not when your heart just wants to be there right this second for all the seconds that are left.

From a heaven-bound view, I am not worried. My father’s faith is my foundation and I know where he is headed. Part of me cheers because there will be no more pain. No more suffering. Only glory. Only life unending in the presence of the Savior.

But oh my heart – that is only part. As much as I can say, “the Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord,” and “I know that my Redeemed lives, and at the end he shall stand on the earth,” and that in those passages lives the promise of redemption, resurrection, and reunion, there is part of me that goes all Dylan Thomas saying, “Do not go gentle into that good night; rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

God help me.
I am not ready to say goodbye to my father.
I am not ready for him to leave.

Stop

Here, that promise from Job - an exquisite rendering from Handel's Messiah

How to Join
Want to know about how Five Minute Friday got started, and how to participate? All the details are here. No editing or second guessing. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.

I'd love to connect with you some more - stop on by the Three Bees Facebook Page or connect with me on Twitter @3BeesBlueBonnet. Let's continue the conversation!

Celebrating Another Birthday - With My Love

He's a bit more clean shaven these days,
but I love this picture.

Dear S,

It’s your birthday today – the twentieth one we’ve celebrated together. I can hardly believe it. Hardly believe that the year has flow by so quickly – how is it October already? Hardly believe that we’ve shared twenty years together – how did that happen?

When we met, I never imagined that I’d be spending twenty years with anyone. Remember our long standing joke about what I said on our first date? About this being a fun time but not being serious and never, ever going anywhere? I guess you and I are just on the longest trek not going anywhere that any two people have ever taken.

But we’re not going “not anywhere,” are we? These twenty years have been a journey of growth and discovery like neither of us ever imagined.

I’m so grateful to be on the journey with you.

You are my rock – strong and steady; a stabilizing force in my life; a strong foundation; the one I can count on.

You are my laughter – the one who unlocks my weird; the one who releases my funny. You know I am far too serious – good some of the time, but not all. You’re my safe spot for all the wackiness to be unleashed. You make me smile.

You are my romance – still; dancing in the kitchen; holding hands walking down the hall; quick kisses stolen in quiet moments; attraction that still holds and deepens – though neither of us looks like we did in our twenties. Okay, I take that back. You look exactly the same to me.

You are my safety – in an era where a woman is always supposed to stand on her own; you let me stand – you want me to stand – you like me strong. But you know that I can’t be that way all the time. And when the times arise that I crumple and fall; when it’s just too much. You are there. The safety of your arms surrounds me. I can gather myself. I can breathe.

You are my right hand – shopping, adventuring, directing a play, embarking on an artistic turn – you are there. Encouraging me. Supporting me. Filling in when I need another play for another part. Building something. Carrying something. Always believing.

There are a million reasons to celebrate you today – my love, my best friend, my partner in crime. I will celebrate each one.

Happy birthday, and may the year to come be another adventure together in blessing and love. I wish for you the very best of what lies ahead in this life.

Always



I'd love to connect with you some more - stop on by the Three Bees Facebook Page or connect with me on Twitter @3BeesBlueBonnet. Let's continue the conversation!

Five Minute Friday - Long

I’ve been away too long again (P.S. I wrote that before the prompt came out!). But this community – it never fails to reach out and embrace – even when one has been away. I’m so grateful for this space; and for the women that I’ve met here; with whom I’m building relationships.

For all the talk about how online is incomplete, I have yet to feel that here in this space. Except for missing the joy of being actually together chatting on couches or sitting across tables with sweet tea or coffee, there is nothing truly incomplete about this friendships and this space.

On Fridays a bunch of brave writers gather here to all spend five collective minutes writing on a single prompt. It’s a great way to catch your breath at the end of a long week. This blessed, beautiful place where we open our hearts and let words and tears and the inner workings of our lives bleed and flow and dance across the virtual pages. Yes, this community opens wide and invites you in to share. Come and visit and read. You will be blessed.

This week: Long 

Go

There’s nothing like a good laugh full of irony and this prompt might be it. I’ve been away from my blog for a while. Away from my words. To be honest, even in the still, quiet times where it’s just me and a real live page – nothing digital – there has been an abundance of white space.

And while I love white space – I need, desire, crave white space in all iterations in my life – the dearth of words has been hard to bear.

It’s not for anything dreadful and traumatic. I’ve been there before. This is not it. It is a comfortable, if somewhat guilty, silence with a lingering feeling of obligations not met. But there has been nothing on my heart that will come out in words.

I have certainly not stilled my thoughts – those run rampant and wild; percolating into effortless bubbles. I feel like a three year-old with a wand and a bucket of soap on a breezy spring day, flinging shimmering cascades of effervescence into the air, only to have them vanish in a moment. 

Creatively, I have not been in silence. My thoughts, feelings, and ideas have been spilling out in my art.

Smile with me.

I have always wanted my art to spill out but have never felt I had anything worthy of spilling. And now – a joyful profusion comes out like a dam has burst. Where has this come from?

And curiously, why can’t they both pour out at the same time?

My friends and community gather round and encourage me. Where would I be without these voices that anchor me, connect me, and point me back to truth?

I’ve heard some snort derisively at the idea that there are seasons – laugh at the idea of the ebb and flow of this thing we call life and the ability to capture the essence of living with our words and ideas. Laugh away. Clichés are sometimes birthed in truth and oftentimes perpetuate themselves because they endure.

So this is my quiet season.

It feels too long. But let’s face it. I’ve been away longer than a few weeks before. Maybe you have too. Maybe you’ve struggled with the idea that your voice has gone silent for a time.

Honor the quiet.

This is what I’m learning. The lack of tangible words is not a lack of words altogether. Sometimes, it is a growing time. Learning to be more precise and intentional with what we do say.

Words matter. They always will. But I want to say the right ones. Ones that have weight, and meaning, and integrity, and truth.

Even if it is a long time between posts.

Stop

How to Join
Want to know about how Five Minute Friday got started, and how to participate? All the details are here. No editing or second guessing. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.

I'd love to connect with you some more - stop on by the Three Bees Facebook Page or connect with me on Twitter @3BeesBlueBonnet. Let's continue the conversation!

Tuesday Grace Notes – the Delicate Scent of Clean

I remember the first whiff. The inhale that felt like the cleanest breath I’d take in ages. It fit the shop of course; all delicately decked out like an English garden. All soft lighting and pale wood. An abundance of white. Beautiful, painted graphics like something from a John Constable landscape.

The Crabtree & Evelyn store I walked into blended florals, woods, and delicate spices into an attractive, inviting welcome into another world. That world originated in the early 70s as a small family business focused one man’s passion for travel and well-turned products into one of the world’s most respected luxury brands.  Long before health and wellness became buzzwords, Crabtree & Evelyn blended botanicals with rich, natural products to create beautiful soaps, lotions, and even edibles.

Of all the products Crabtree & Evelyn have produced, my all-time favourite will always be their triple-milled Goat Milk Soap. Originally packed in white, then upgraded to a classic blue, this soap was a luxury indeed at about $25 for a box of three. But it was very much worth it.

Milk proteins blend with just a hint of alpine lavender for one of the cleanest, sweetest smelling soaps you could ever hope to use. I can’t remember who discovered it first, my mother or I, but we have both been head over heels for this soap for decades. In fact, after learning that she had nowhere to buy this soap locally, I bought out the stock at a downtown store in my neighborhood for her Christmas gift last year.

This is one of those items I save for special occasions – I know my mother does too. This is the kind of soap you want to put in a special dish to make it last as long as possible.

And now we have even more reason to hang out to our stash. In one of our conversations last week, my mother broke the bad news. Crabtree & Evelyn are no longer carrying this product line. I have to admit, I was more broken up about this than I should be over mere soap.

Now, I am grateful for my tendency to hang on to things – I still have a few bars tucked away. And they still smell amazing. I’m astonished at the asking price for these little blue boxes on eBay and Etsy, but know that for some buyers out there, it will be worth every penny.

Tuesday Grace Notes are an opportunity for me to share a small bit of harmony amidst the other things I write about. Truly, they are meant to be shorter than my usual pieces (laugh with me here), and just a little something to add a touch of beauty to my life and yours. One week it might be a
wonderful book I’ve read and can’t put down. Maybe it will be one of the movies I love (or its soundtrack). You might find a favourite recipe here. Or the new soap I’ve just discovered. You’ll find that many of them are inspired by my mother and the things she taught me about living a gentle, elegant life. I hope you’ll join me as more things are shared.

I'd love to connect with you some more - stop on by the Three Bees Facebook Page or connect with me on Twitter @3BeesBlueBonnet. Let's continue the conversation!

My Own First Corinthians Thirteen

Even if you’re not overly familiar with your Bible, I’m sure you’ve heard of, or even seen part of the book of First Corinthians they call the Love Chapter. It’s a beautiful exploration of true love – what it is, and what it’s not.

My mind wandered there over the weekend – just reflecting on where I am at this point in my life; considering things that are happening around me; and being incredibly grateful for the relationship I have with my husband. It’s not perfect by a long shot, but it’s good. We continue to work on the relationship and invest in each other, and are in all the best ways, the perfect balance for each other.

Because this is a blessing and a gift I don’t ever want to take for granted, I decided to write my own paraphrase of I Corinthians 13. My own love chapter, dedicated to my best friend and love of my life.

He is the most patient man I have even known – standing firm in the face of some of life’s hardest challenges; the kind of things that would have broken a lesser man, or chased a less persistent man away.

He is always proud of my accomplishments; being my loudest cheerleader and biggest source of encouragement.

He knows that we are not the same, and never feels diminished by my success. In fact, he relishes it.

He does not suffer from an overblown ego, but remains confident in his abilities and strengths. Very often, he graciously acquiesces to my teasing and cajoling – and frankly – we have enough in common that we have so many things we can enjoy doing together. But we’re also very different and can enjoy our space apart. Sometimes, we just enjoy being quiet together. And that is a gift.

He has a strong sense of justice and celebrates when right prevails. He has stood with me through financial struggles, the upending and startling painfulness of family ups and downs, health issues – the ones that have almost ended me, and the ones that continue to hang on in debilitating, chronic ways. Oh, the health issues. He has hope that I will get better, but until then, often operates as my hands and feet; as my driver; as my comforter; as my guide; as my rock when I have low moments and feel as if I can’t go on.

He is the only person I am completely comfortable with – and by that I mean he sees the good, the bad, and the awful. He sees the giddy and the goofy. He sees the serious and the struggle. He sees the committed and the determined. He sees the whole of me.

No one makes me laugh like this man – in some ways; he reminds me what it’s like to be a child again.

He believes in me. He has hope for our future. But most of all, he loves me.

I'd love to connect with you some more - stop on by the Three Bees Facebook Page or connect with me on Twitter @3BeesBlueBonnet. Let's continue the conversation!