Enough

The last few weeks have been one long haul. I could describe it other words, but I’m sure I’d look back in a day or two and think, “Well, that was inappropriate.”  So we’ll stick with “long haul” and call it good.

I’ve been in the midst of my desert journey – making my way to the edge. Working my hardest to ensure that my day job that has been a temporary-transient dream-of-a-thing for many months turns into a solid-loving-it-with-all-the-trimmings-thing; designing on the side; fighting uphill battles with some serious germs and bugs in our house (talk about the long haul – these colds were in for the duration); walking the balancing act of parenting where I find my center between encourager and task master; trying to be a good friend; trying to be a good daughter; trying to be a good wife; managing to feel like a general failure for a good percentage of the time. Can you tell that I’m a type-A, overachiever much?

On top of that rests the commitment I made to myself and a few select readers who were kind enough to comment; that I’d be writing more. That I’d be accountable, and dedicated, and consistent. Hmmm. How’s that working out? One glance at my blog shows me two Five Minute Fridays and one poem and the month is over in about seven hours. Not terribly prolific at all.

photo by carunan

The truth is I’m just so very tired and feeling terribly inadequate.

How do I even say that out loud when I’m supposed to be writing about encouragement and thanksgiving and finding grace in the midst of the storm? This is the criticism I imagine coming – though likely no one I know would even think this. I’m critical enough all by myself.

One of my lessons to learn – and apparently I’m still learning this one – is to give myself grace. I don’t do that very well at all. I struggle with being enough. Working hard enough. Parenting hard enough. Writing hard enough. Loving hard enough.

I am never enough.
I say that in a very small voice.

I believe that God has been working on that one in my life for a very long time. To help me realize in the most gentle of ways, that on my own, I never will be. He is trying to help me see that His grace is sufficient for me – that in His hands and through His eyes, I am enough.

We were never meant to do this on our own; never meant to walk through this life as solitary beings. Back in the beginning when God created this relationship and walked with man it was enough just to be together in friendship and in love. It was enough.

If you’re struggling to feel like you’re enough – whatever you feel like you’re not enough for – remember along with me that the amazing God of this universe: the One who set the stars on their dancing paths along the skies; the One who colored the sunsets in their magnificence; the One who breathed life into every creature on this planet; the One who brings miracles (small and great) into your life every day – this God loves you and thinks that you’re enough. He holds you in His hand and in His heart; He calls you by name; and you are enough.