When the Only Option is to Lie Down and Rest

I’m trying to look for my thankful here and not get frustrated. My cold has turned into respiratory drama – as it often does for me these days. Which means weeks and weeks of breathing that becomes more and more impaired. Multiple rounds of meds to see what works. Coughing until I am bruised from the inside out. And then bam – a quick trip to the ER one weekend when the breath just won’t come. I am not a patient person in the best of circumstances, and this feels like such an interference. Such a colossal nuisance. I have things I need to be doing. I just want to breathe and get on with it.

I am getting on with nothing.

Bed bound for four days after seeing my doctor. Take the meds. Rest. Get better.

I am really bad at this.

I feel wasteful. Like I should be up doing something. Lists run though my head of how this time could be better spent. And yet, even the simplest of tasks sends me lurching for the back of a chair or side of the bed for support as another fit of coughing wracks my body.

Lie down and rest.

I feel like a sheep in need of a shepherd.

The thought twinkles through the back of my mind; one of the first Psalms we learn as children. Describing the shepherd who leads us. He knows His sheep – the ones who would wander off the path without His guidance; the one who would keep walking – even when it was time to stop; the ones who would get lost in their head or the dark and suddenly turn and find themselves apart and alone. Is it a wonder that there is an implied imperative there? He makes me lie down in green pastures? He makes me.

It’s not a suggestion.

Maybe this is the thankful I’ve been looking for. My shepherd knows the path that He’s been leading me on. This desert path has been rocky of late. There’s not been a lot of rest. It’s been a long haul. He’s probably not surprised at all that I’m sitting here with orders to rest. I can see Him smile. A bit ruefully at me and my arguments. I can almost hear him say, “Lie down. Rest.”

I’m thankful because I’ve been reminded that there are hundreds of other women in the world right this very moment that are having to fight this same fight for breath as I am. Far away from medical miracles like antibiotics and inhalers. There is no one to look at their peril and say, “Lie down. Rest.” They don’t have a choice.

As frustrating as our health care system can be, I’m reminded to be thankful that I live where there is a healthcare system. Where I have a doctor who actually knows me and cares about me. Where my husband wants me to rest and get better. Where I have a choice. Where I have a chance.

And suddenly, I’m back to counting thanks and discovering the truth of eucharisteo - that thanksgiving always precedes the miracle. My frustration fades. And I can rest in my thanks until I can be back in action again.

For opportunities to learn about ways to make a difference in the lives of women and girls around the globe, visit womenofvision.org. Women of Vision is a volunteer ministry of World Vision, a Christian relief and development organization, which equips women to serve impoverished and oppressed women and children worldwide. They seek to educate and inspire women to action in an effort to alleviate the injustice and inequities that exist for women and their families.