What Friends & Family on the Outskirts Wish People in the Desert Knew

This is somewhat less familiar territory for me, and yet I know I’ve been in situations where someone I know is the one in the desert and I’m the one watching them walk through it. I think it becomes a bit different after you’ve been a desert walker yourself – you never quite lose the feel of the grit between your toes or the pounding heat on your head. Metaphorical as it may be, you just don’t forget. Nevertheless, I want to tackle the outside looking in because of the numerous wonderful people who came alongside me and my family while we were in the desert. Several of these thoughts stem from conversations I had with them.

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I can’t imagine how hard this is, but I wish you would just talk to me. Communication is a big one. It’s painfully easy to become swamped in the everyday of the desert and not come up for air. Not because you don’t want to, but because there are times that it takes everything you’ve got to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. The people in your life who are close to you, the ones Dr. Brene Brown talked about being your “move-the-body” people, can see this happening. And they want to be there for you. But they love you and respect you enough to give you the space you need. Let me add that they also love you enough to come on in if you’re quiet for too long. These people are intuitive and are watching you. They’re waiting patiently for an invitation to come in and bless you, but wait too long and you may be getting a blessing you didn’t see coming! Talk to them and share your burden. Friends like this were made for times like these.

I love you. I don’t care if you’re broke/not dressed up/having a bad hair day/been crying for three days straight, I just want to go out for coffee – and I’m treating. I don’t know about you, but when I was in my desert I found a million reasons not to see people for something as simple as coffee. I didn’t have anything appropriate to wear, I couldn’t even afford coffee, I looked like a wreck. The friends who came for me anyway – who said, “yes, I hear you, but we’re going out in spite of that” brought such moment of joy into my life. They lifted me out of the doldrums and the minutiae of the desert for a few hours and refreshed me. I’ve had the pleasure of pulling a friend or two into a coffee shop for an hour or two for a break and it is such a genuine joy for the giver. When you’re not in a desert, being a small oasis for a friend who is can be such a privilege. Desert walkers, think about this the next time a friend asks you out. God may be laying this outing on their heart – this may be their opportunity to be His hands and feet to you. Don’t allow this blessing to pass them by.

I see you. When you’re overcome by adversity in the desert, there are times when you want nothing more than to know that others still remember who you are – that they see you – not your circumstances. They do. Friends and relatives of desert walkers see nothing as clearly as the ones they love. They see the troubles that surround them and pray without ceasing that those times would end, but true friends never stop seeing the ones they love in the midst of the maelstrom. There isn’t any easy way to express this other than to say – you are seen.

I’m ending this post in the same way I did yesterday. Because they are attached. Because this is so important – no matter what side of the desert you’re standing on. More than anything, time and patience and valuable friends in desert relationships. Be patient with one another and have an abundance of grace. You can never go wrong with grace.

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