Thursday, September 26, 2013

Five Mintute Friday - True

Five Minute FridayWe're telling true stories tonight on the FMF. This night of the week where a bunch of brave writers gather close to spend 5 collective minutes writing on a single prompt. It’s a great way to catch your breath at the end of a long week. This blessed, beautiful place where we open our hearts and let words and tears and the inner workings of our lives bleed and flow and dance across the virtual pages. Yes, this community opens wide and invites you in to share. Come and visit and read. You will be blessed.

This Week: True

Go

Why yes, it’s true. I am in a panicked whirl. I am sitting frantic, yet still beneath the fluorescent lights in my office. It is quiet – except for the squeak of the chair as my husband patiently waits, and the scratch of the pencil as my daughter plows through her homework. And underneath the bright lights and low hum of homely conversation that is only slightly out of context here, my mind whirls and I think about what she asked – tell me a true story. I need your true story. And as I think about the desert road that I’m about to write deep and long about on the 31 day journey come October, this is the Truth that comes to mind.

Just over three years ago, at the far edge of December,
I lost my mind and most of my health to a job that wasn’t worth the money they paid me for it.
Too many hours and too many expectations
and the me inside that wouldn’t back down and wouldn’t say no
and didn’t know how to find a boundary or a compromise to save my life.
Didn’t know how to save my life

So I went right over the edge
To the place where you just don’t get up anymore
Don’t get out of bed
Don’t answer the phone
Don’t raise your head for your sweet little girl to give you kisses.
Just lie there in the dark black
That has become the consuming all
And think darker thoughts and the idea
That you’re never ever going to come out of this again.

Pass through a week
That feels like a decade
And pull yourself out into some semblance of decency
And write the letter you’ve been wanting to write for eighteen long hard months
And say goodbye.
Good riddance (but not saying that part out loud).
Never again.

Breaking through the ice-driven waters of the next thing
And realizing that it’s not cold,
But a long desert road ahead.
No end in sight.
No water.
No oasis.
No shade.
No shelter.
Good God the cries from your throat
Are nearly as desperate
As the ones when you were down in
Your pit of despair.

And then right before the desert swallows you whole,
The light breaks
And the One who walked long and hard
And days of His own in the desert
Shines through again
(like He always does)
And one small step in front of the other
You begin the slow walk
Through the desert.

Not immediately transported out -
Because there is so much to learn.
Because so much needs to go by the wayside.
And all these things that you’ve been hanging on to
For decades
and decades (yes, you’re old enough to say that now)
Come peeling off like sloughed skin

Like Eustace in Narnia
The Lion strips you clean.
and while there is that stinging burn
Of the things that were before,

The brilliant shinning clean
And what you can see now
Compared to what you didn’t see before
(which is only a shadow of what you will see)
Is amazing beyond belief and understanding.

And then standing at the far side of the desert
You know the truth of the matter.
And why you had to walk the path.
And why you can never go back.

And why it’s so important to tell the story
Of the Lessons in the Desert.

Stop

How to Join
Want to know about Lisa Jo Baker, how Five Minute Friday got started, and how to participate? All the details are here. No editing or second guessing. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.

I'd love to connect with you some more - stop on by the Three Bees Facebook Page or connect with me on Twitter @3BeesBlueBonnet. Let's continue the conversation!

40 comments :

  1. Yes, He always comes through, right when we need Jesus the most.

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    1. So glad you stopped by Leelee. Yes, He always does. So grateful for that.

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  2. Your words transport me back to a year ago when I lost all hope, when I shared I wanted to leave this world. Then began God's redemptive work through my own desert. And I am so blessed to have walked that path as painful as it was. Thank you so much for sharing this.

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    1. Doesn't He do some of His best work in us in those desert times Sarah? Those times when all else is gone and we're able to see JUST Him. So glad you are through your desert and blessed with your redemption.

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  3. Beautiful, Rebekah. Beautifully sad but oh so wonderful and joyous at the same time.

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    1. Thank you Vanessa. It's an amazing journey He's had me on. Finding this great group at (in)courage has been one of the blessings to come from that time.

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  4. Now I can't wait to read your 31 days next month. He always is there, just when we need Him most. :-)

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    1. Praying that He will give me all the right words. Thanks Kim!

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  5. Oh, Rebekah. This is amazing. I'm tearing up at your raw honesty. Grateful that you've walked through and thankful that you shared your true tonight.

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    1. So glad you read this - and that we're in the same writing group this fall! I can't wait to get to know you more, my dancing friend!

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  6. I saw the destruction prior to the desert; I saw the desolation of the desert itself; I experienced my own parallel desert; we commiserated, railed, laughed at all the absurdities of life; I rejoiced when that light did break for you and I am so glad to see you make it through to the other side. I'm almost there.

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    1. Oh girl, so grateful for the ones who have walked through and beside with me. Like you! And I think no one knows this path better than you - you who have been on your own journey like you say. Continually pray that you and your family will be celebrating the end of your desert soon and that the rain will fall and the Lord will send it upon the earth for you and yours.

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    2. Thank you! Looking forward to your series (well, I have read the intro and first one). We need to figure out a way to get together again!

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  7. Oh friend... these words are so beautiful! And I just want to say thank you, it was an honour to be sure to read them. And can I just say, whisper here, that I will be praying for you over the coming days as you unearth what was to share what can be... praying protection as you recall, remember and that you will always feel Him near.

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    1. You are a sweet encouragement to me, and I'm so grateful for that; for your friendship; and for the lessons we can learn together along the way. Thank you for your prayers and for linking arms and hearts across time zones.

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  8. Such powerful words, friend...true that He has a purpose for each path, even on the dark, discouraging days. I'm so thankful we can rest in the Truth that He is in control. Always. Love your words tonight. :)

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    1. It was hard going through, but on the other side - such a blessing. And I wouldn't have it any other way. He moved mountains in my desert and I'm so thankful for what He gave me. Thank you sweet Mel!

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  9. Thank you Jesus for the other side of the desert! Glad that so many of us have made it there.

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    1. He always brings us through, doesn't He? Although since we are bound by chronological time, it makes it seem like forever. I stand with you in gladness that so many make it across.

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  10. Very very very IMPORTANT to tell of the lessons learned in the desert. Bless you. Glad I clicked on your lovely face from FMF!

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    1. So glad you stopped by Loretta. Can't wait to get to know you more through the (in)courage writing group. Blessings to you!

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  11. This is brilliant! ( I say that with the utmost sincerity). I loved and related to this part : And then right before the desert swallows you whole,
    The light breaks
    And the One who walked long and hard
    And days of His own in the desert
    Shines through again
    (like He always does)
    And one small step in front of the other
    You begin the slow walk
    Through the desert.

    And I loved the Narnia reference. And those last two sentences. It is so powerful, and so richly described. And you are right. Looking back in hindsight it becomes more clear and is amazing to see what becomes of it all. From one Rebekah to another :) , I love what you shared here today. <3

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    1. Bless your heart for your kind words. And yes! I love seeing another "Rebekah" - especially like we spell it - here or anywhere else. Grateful for many things - including hindsight, that allows so many things to become clear.

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  12. That is my all time favorite passage in the Narnia books. That symbolism has spoken to me so much in my own stripping of the things God never intended me to wear. You write a place I know well. So glad to be along with you on your journey, friend.

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    1. Yes, this part has always stuck with me forever and ever. I know you'll have been here ... and it's a comfort to write into the hearts of those who have walked in the dark hours and understand it; as well as those who have walked out of the darkness and into the light and know the beauty and redemption that is there. Thank you for being here.

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  13. DUDE! You totally rocked this one. It's amazing and one of your very best ever. Thank you for speaking the truth and sharing you with us. What a gift.

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    1. Ha! I love that you prefaced this with "dude." You have no idea how "me" that is. My sister and her husband are always teasing me about how so many of my sentences start with "dude ..." Remnants of the surfer days? Who knows. But either way, I thank you for this wonderful endorsement of something that was just drawn out of the core of me in a flood of tears and praise and thankfulness.

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  14. This is a beautiful description of how depression can feel and how beautiful the release from it can be when God steps in...thank you so much for sharing...

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    1. It was indeed a beautiful release. Your words bless me. Thank you.

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  15. In the words of Debi, you totally rocked this one. I'm crying on my keyboard this morning, but tears of joy. Our God is an awesome God. He reigns, even in the darkest of the darkest days. Such a beautiful tribute to his faithfulness. Thank you for having the courage to share.

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    1. Thank you Heidi. It's taken me a while to be able to work up the courage to write this. But it is the beginning of the journey and important to tell. I'm so glad that it spoke to you. Blessings to you.

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  16. Beautiful Rebekah! I just popped by from FMF, your words spoke to my heart! Yes He is always there especially in those dark, deep, long, dry desert experiences! God bless you!!!

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    1. Love meeting new writer friends from the FMF - it's a beautiful homey place to be. So glad this spoke to you - that means a lot to me. It's my hope and prayer for the words I lay out here for Him.

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  17. I know that feeling of the don't. Those days when you just want to crawl in a deep dark cave. But God !!! Yes but God has other plans to take our messes and turn them into His message for others. Thank you for share your story to reach others. I will be praying for you as you share in the days to come

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    1. So glad for those other plans and the turn that He takes to move us out of one mess and into the light where He has far better plans. I pray that He will be able to use my words to make a difference to someone who may be in the midst of their own desert. Thank you Amy!

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  18. Been right there in that desert, friend...maybe I'm still there! Hoping against hope that one day you wake up and you will be at the end of the sand and the heat. Thanks for sharing your victory. It gives me hope that my time in the desert will end. Hopefully soon!

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    1. Thank you Holly. It's been almost a year since the desert has passed, and I never want to lose the lessons from that time. So grateful to be out of that season, but I wouldn't trade it for anything - there were just too many blessings that came with tears. Praying for you as you walk through yours.

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  19. I am praying for you and you venture back... while leaning forward into all His has for you in this season! I can't wait to read your series... and to think - we get to wrap it up together, in person! Perfect!

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    1. Coveting your prayers as I launch into this - I want so much for this to be a working of His will. It will be a gift to celebrate the final days of it with you.

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  20. wow this is great!

    visiting from fmf! http://www.ordinaryinspirations.blogspot.com/2013/09/will-you-see-real-you.html

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Thank you for the kindess of your comment. I pray your patience with the word verification. I've had such troubles with spammers lately. Thank you for grace. I look forward to reading all the comments and responding. I appreciate you!