Thursday, February 27, 2014

Five Minute Friday - Choose

Five Minute FridayOn Fridays a bunch of brave writers gather here to all spend 5 collective minutes writing on a single prompt. It’s a great way to catch your breath at the end of a long week. This blessed, beautiful place where we open our hearts and let words and tears and the inner workings of our lives bleed and flow and dance across the virtual pages. Yes, this community opens wide and invites you in to share. Come and visit and read. You will be blessed.

This week: Choose

Go

Dear Bug,

I can’t write tonight because all my thoughts are on you. Your Mama’s words seems to be stymied. I’m frozen and stuck because there’s nothing to undo normal like trouble in your child’s world. Big or small, it throws up a stop sign and the universe realigns for a moment while you catch your breath and assess what happens next.

I have to keep telling myself that this season you’re in is so very normal. And there are so many worse things that could be happening. Like what, I’ve never had a bad day? A bad week? Sure. It’s just amplified times the beating of my heart that wants so desperately to shield you from the bad and the ugly and just give you the good. While still managing to give you all the experience and learning you need to get your lumps in and learn your lessons. So not really a stretch of reality – is that what I’m wishing?

No. Not that either. But the lessons. Oh, the lessons and their learning. I feel them imprinting on my heart and my skin as if it were me all over again. Until my nerves are raw and I just want to be elsewhere.

I want to be free to run off to the movies at the drop of a hat – no babysitter. Have extra money to spend at Stanley and Seaforts or some other nice restaurant that has entrees with prices tags of what we spend on one family dinner. I want to book time shares by the ocean and not have to worry about school schedules. I want to not worry about school. Ever. Unless I’m going back for my Masters in Fine Arts. I want an extra room – you know, the one that was supposed to be my office – room for more books, more pens, more crafty stuff. I want to have the option to choose to sleep in – and I mean in – without worrying about what might have gone missing from the cupboard or ‘fridge when I wake up. Silly stuff like that.

But here’s a secret little girl:
I want you more.
And I will always choose you.
Every.
Single.
Time.

I write that with every tear that I may cry for the next thirty years and with every tired smile that I will give you for another thirty after that. I will choose you when you are having your very best day and you’re a homework super star; when you’re smiling and skipping, and laughing so hard you can’t stand up. And I will choose you on your lowest of low days, when the ache inside is so hard and so violent that you feel like you can’t breathe for the pain of it. I will choose you when you’re screaming on the inside and out. I will choose you when you are silly like a puppy. I will choose you when you have no idea where to turn and just need a place to bury your head and shut the world out. I will chose you.

Every.
Single.
Time.

I choose you because I love you. I choose you because you are mine – of my breath, of my skin, of my heart, of my soul. I choose you. And that much – that one little piece – will always be there.
Count on it.

Stop







How to Join 
Want to know about Lisa Jo Baker, how Five Minute Friday got started, and how to participate? All the details are here. No editing or second guessing. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you and encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.

I'd love to connect with you some more - stop on by the Three Bees Facebook Page or connect with me on Twitter @3BeesBlueBonnet. Let's continue the conversation!

18 comments :

  1. This is so beautiful, my friend. Sitting here, late at night, with tears threatening to run like crazy. This mommy/daughter love thing...it's powerful. And amazing. (And I want to go wake up my own girl now just so I can hold her!) Your girl is blessed to have you...and I'm sending you both huge hugs tonight! :)

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    1. Thank so much Mel - it's so good to see your smile here again. I've missed you. I hope you gave your sweet girl lots of hugs and love this morning. And that thing you wrote about community? I'm so desperately grateful for it. I need it. So I keep choosing to show up.

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  2. Love. Love. Love. A mamma's words to her girl are like none other. She's so blessed to have you!! And I can't wait to meet you in a week!!

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    1. I know you know what hanging on is like Marcy. And a mama's heart. Oh yes. You know. Can't wait to see you next week too!

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  3. Love your mama heart and your precious girl is being doused in prayers. It's so hard when you know your child is struggling. Sending lots of love your way.

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    1. I so appreciate being doused in those prayers. That's what's keeping me going today. This wonderful community that helps when I fall down. Love you guys.

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  4. Love this - and you and your girlie too! Praying with you friend... and let's not forget - He chooses her too. Every. Single. Time. Love you so!

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    1. So good to have friends who know what this means and understand what this feels like. It doesn't make it go away, but it makes it just that much more bearable. Thank you for this important reminder that He continues to choose us both ♥

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  5. I am so with you on this. I choose my daughter too. We have something in common. daughters to love and nurture. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by Mary. So good to have a community or Moms who get this and can relate!

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  6. So beautiful.
    I am glad I can read these other posts AFTER I post, so I don't hide my flickering light under a bushel from the sheer beauty that shimmers and gleams from transparent hearts through the screen...from well-versed writers like yourself. But I won't hide, because these words inspire and, in reality, invite me to try and shine a bit brighter and learn from those that are before me.
    Thank you- for this gift.

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    1. Katie - thank you for blessing me with your words. They mean so much on a day when I am being held up by the prayers of friends and the words of others and the strength from God that passes all else. My prayer for you is that you continue to shine on and shine out - we need all our stories and all our lights in this magnificent universe of His creation!

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  7. There is nothing more fierce that a mama's heart and love for her daughter. This is beautiful.

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    1. Fierce and fragile all at the same time Barbie! Sometimes I feel like armor. Sometimes I feel like glass. But we have to keep choosing them over and over, yes?! Thank you for your encouragement.

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  8. There is so much I want to say to you, for your Faith and about your words but there isn't room here for them all. So I will just tell you I love you and then send you a cyber hug until the time comes I can give you a real one.

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    1. This hug and your Vox message this morning have meant so much to me. There is such comfort in the care of this community, and once again, I am so grateful for your wonderful friends. Thank you for the encouragement and love!

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  9. Oh my stars this is just beautiful. This is something she will always cherish. She is blessed to have you- you are an amazing mom. Keep up the good work. Love you and sending you ((hugs))

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  10. I'm glad I discovered you through FMF. Thank you so very much for sharing... is there anything more fiercely loving than a mama's heart?

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Thank you for the kindess of your comment. I pray your patience with the word verification. I've had such troubles with spammers lately. Thank you for grace. I look forward to reading all the comments and responding. I appreciate you!