Did I mention that sometimes she has really stinky timing?
Oh, to be a woman with a pristine past. Or no past at all. Oh, to not have anything hiding under a rock or a closet or under the bed that will eventually need to discussed, debated, and dissected with my child.
These are not the things we’re thinking about in those fresh-faced years when we’re staying out until all hours of the morning; stealthily slipping in bedroom windows and under covers instead creaking open front doors; testing our lines and our limits as we discover ourselves and the world around us. No. We’re not thinking about the conversations we might be having with our children twenty years down the road when they dig through old boxes in our attics and garages and find pretty green books that turn out to be a journals with memories and stories from long before they were imagined. We’re not thinking about that possibility at all.
Present tense: right now, I’m just grateful that she still can’t decipher my cursive writing well enough to get the whole gist of it. And no. I did not date anyone named “Rover.”
My daughter’s discovery led to an interesting conversation between my daughter and husband and I. About the fact that her daddy and I had, in fact, dated other people before we dated each other (big eyes). About the fact that he and I had, in fact, had a life on our own before she showed up (even bigger eyes).
And while I was a little annoyed about how the whole conversation came about, I did appreciate that it allowed us the opportunity to talk with her about how God helps us find the right person for us – that God was, in fact, right at this moment growing up a young man who would be the right person for her someday – and how important it was to wait for him. We were able to talk about how when you find the right person that God has for you; you stay committed – no matter what. We were able to tell her that because God picked her Mama and Daddy for each other we will always be together. Despite the fact that we might annoy each other at times, argue about silly things, and act angry like wet, disagreeable cats on occasion, we will always work it out and be together because God is at the heart of our relationship and His grace covers so much.
Let’s face it; I don’t have a pristine past. I’ve walked a bumpy road getting to where I am today and sooner or later my daughter is going to hear about it. But I feel very strongly that I’m the one who should be able to decide how she hears about it and how the story is framed. And what I want her to hear and see most, is that my story is framed in grace above all else. That no matter how rocky the road got; no matter how far I wandered off the path that was set before me; no matter what obstacles were placed in my path; the North Star in my life has always been the light of Christ: my shelter from the storm and the rock that is higher than I.
There are lessons to be learned from a life that has not been perfect; from a road that has not been smooth. If my daughter can learn from that; if she can see something in this reflection that makes her path easier? Then I am all the more glad for it. If she can look at my mistakes and see how grace saved me? Then I am blessed again. If she can read the lines of her mother’s story and find her way to unending love and amazing grace for herself? It will be all I need.
Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) - Chris Tomlin
I'm joining my friend Karilee at Abiding Love, Abounding Grace as we share ways that we've been Finders of Beauty and Hunters of Grace. Will you join us too?