Thursday, July 11, 2013

Five Minute Friday: Present

Five Minute FridayFive Minute Fridays are the beautiful, unscripted moments that happen between Thursday night at the FMFParty on Twitter and for days and days after as post after post of inspiration and encouragement gets linked up at Lisa Jo Baker’s site here. Writers and joy abound and it’s a great place to be.

This Week: Present


Go

It’s not what I want, but it’s what I have to deal with. It’s better than what I’ve walked through, and I’m grateful for that. We’ve talked so much about it this week, it seems. These wonderful women that I write with and blog with. These online friends that I’m discovering through (in)courage and Allume and the Five Minute Fridays (that begin on Thursday nights). We’ve been talking about contentment, and wrestling with what we have; not contending for what we want; being centered in this very moment and being thankful right here and now.

I wish that my discontent was just situational. I wish that my discomfort was just in my circumstance. I don’t know why, but somehow I think it would be easier to bear.

The idea that if my cross to bear was an internal wrestling with my soul; my ego; my spirit. Why? Do I think that would be more manageable?

Yes. The very cry of “oh, God, yes” almost rips itself out of my throat and I’m hoarse with salt tears that I choke back on a daily basis because of this here and now and where it has me mired.

I read about them running and exercising – just for fun. Running – after their children, up and down the hall, around the playground, just for fun. Running – errands and off to Starbucks, just for fun.

And I’m standing here – but not for longer than five minutes, because that’s about when my body starts to give out. There is no running. There is walking. But just barely. Enough to get around the house and in to work. And I think – it’s a good thing I’m not going anywhere anyone can see me anytime soon. Yes. That’s what I really do think.

And all the while, I’m trying to figure out what it is that He has in this for me to learn. What it is that I’m supposed to grasp in my present circumstance that I couldn’t learn just as well without the pain and with the ability to walk around the corner.

There are so many lessons to be learned. But I think most basic one that I need to seat firmly in my heart is that this is not my home. As beautiful and as wonderful as this world can be, this is not my final destination. I am as temporary here as a flower coming to life under the sun. I will have my moment, and then I will be gone. But unlike the flower, I will be passing on to a greater tomorrow. No more tears. No more pain. When we see Jesus face to face.

Until then, I need to give thanks for what I do have.
I could have so much less.
Others have so much less.
And thanksgiving precedes the miracle.

Stop

You'll have to forgive me. This is far more personal and raw than I expected tonight. I almost ripped it out and started over, but I've committed to honesty and transparency here, so I'm just going to have to take a chance with this. And hope for grace.

How to Join:
Want to know how Five Minute Friday got started and how to participate? All the details are here. No editing or second guessing. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community

23 comments :

  1. Sweet sweet Rebekah!!! LOVE you. Pouring out prayers of peace and grace and love and mercy on you tonight. Praying for you, sweet sister. If you need anything, I am here! Always.

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    1. I wish you were within hugging distance my april friend with the newly shared name. I would hug you. And bless you. And thank you. It's just so good to get to know you a little better every week. Thank you for your friendship.

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  2. Hope for grace? Girl, grace you got! Thanks so much for the honesty of this post. I can just see the fingers and the tears flying in those five minutes. I have lived with chronic migraines, so I can get chronic pain to a certain extent (although I admittedly had much more breaks!) I give you nothing but respect for this post. For this life. For keeping the faith, even in, no ESPECIALLY IN moments that you doubt, that don't make sense. Hold on for Heaven, girl, when you can run just for the sheer joy of it! And oh what JOY it will be!

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    1. Rachael - bless your heart and many thanks. You've done this aching heart a world of good tonight. You won't even know until we get heaven-side. But maybe we'll connect at a conference before then and I can tell you in person!

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  3. Oh, girl! I am in tears. You are COVERED in Grace! Not just by who reads this, but my your Creator who loves you exactly as He made you. He has great plans for you, and though they can be do hard to see sometimes, keep seeking Him out. Keep running to Him. Because even if you can't run a 5k, you can run into His arms! "But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

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    1. Ahhh Kelly - you've just given me back one of my favorite passages. Love this from Isaiah. Thank you for grace. And for such a great chat time on the #FMFParty this evening.

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  4. Wow, Rebekah, you are so real. Thanks for sharing what you're really struggling with. God has you in this season for a purpose, even if that's not clear right now. But it is SO hard. I'm glad I stumbled across your blog on FMF. I actually referenced some of the same verses as you in my piece.

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    1. Thank you Gabby. I'm continuing to seek Him in this season to see what He would have of me. Looking forward to reading your FMF!

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  5. Prayers your way! Thankful to be reading your truthful words, sharing the honesty with you. What a beautiful outlook. On a semi-related note, have you read Tuesdays with Morrie?

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    1. Thank you for grace, Brie. I'm trying for honesty all the time, even when it stings like a bee. I'll have to put Tuesdays with Morrie on my list. Heard of it, but haven't read it. Yet ;)

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  6. Oh sweet friend! I love this - I love your honesty and I am so glad you didn't start all over! I am sorry that you are in a season where you are dealing with pain and limitations... I am praying with you for complete healing and freedom. I am also so very happy to see that you are counting gifts anyway... hunting out beauty and finding grace... and yes... Yes to this - what Ann says, "thanksgiving always precedes the miracle."

    Love you!

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    1. There are lessons to be learned, even in pain. And since I'm so stubborn ... well, at any rate, He is moving, even in the midst of all of this. And there are flashes of beauty, joy, and grace, even in these seasons. This community is helping me to remember that. You are helping me to remember that. I'm so very grateful and thankful for you!

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  7. Oh this is so authentic, transparent and Lovely. Bless you Sweet Friend. Shandra

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    1. Thank you for grace. And for seeing through all my pain to find the purpose.

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  8. I'm constantly talking about the amazingness of the FMF community. The love, the support, the encouragement. Really. I go on and on. You all have blessed me beyond belief tonight. Not only with the fun of the #FMFParty, but with the kindness of your comments here. You can't know that I flipped out the minute I posted it and thought, oh, this is too much. I don't want pity. I don't want to give the wrong impression. I emailed Karrilee on FB (while flipping out) and said, oh heck, I should rip it down. And then you all wrote. And you've given more than grace here. So much more. God has used you to share another lesson with me - one that I seem to be taking a long time to learn. But your love and affirmation have done my heart good tonight. And I thank you from the bottom of it.

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  9. This is one of the most beautiful, heartfelt, and transparent posts I've read in a long time. Learning contentment is difficult and yet I've found the peace that resides there comes from the faithfulness of God.
    Lovely thoughts:).

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  10. You've said so much of what others think. "It's a good thing I'm not going anywhere anyone can see me anytime soon?" Whoa. Been there. Said that. Although I'm not in your shoes, I have truly felt paralyzed to to engage in life with others at times, preferring to hide out in my study when life gets overwhelming. Then, He prompts me to remember He has a plan and purpose and that I can celebrate small feats and savor tiny moments of simplicity.

    I'm enjoying your blog and getting to know you here and Facebook and #FMFParty. Thanks for all the encouragement from your Northwest corner down to my Southeast one.

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  11. Oh sweet, friend. Sweet, sweet friend. I am choking on tears as I read this! I am so glad, so very glad you have laid your heart bare here sister. I beleive that we are meant to bear each other's burdens, finger the edges of each other's red raw pain because it is in community that healing begins. And I think I echo Kelly's comment right here... and can I leave you with another promise - This one from Isaiah 51:1 “Listen to me, all who hope for deliverance— all who seek the Lord! Consider the rock from which you were cut,the quarry from which you were mined." - On Christ the Solid Rock you stand sister. Praying those hard kneeling prayers and whispering your name in God's ear.

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  12. Thank you for being so open. It's easy to float on the surface in all the Nutella and crazy pinterest pinata stylings of alpacas. Sweet tea and comfort food are easy discussions, but this nitty gritty real is where the relationships are formed, where we pray for each other - learn our struggles and triumphs! Many prayers for you and if there is ANYTHING I can do beyond that, just let me know. Long distance hugs coming your way!

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  13. Wow! Thank you for NOT deleting and starting over. I love your authenticity, and it brought such conviction and encouragement to me. I daily struggle with pain and fatigue. Not being able to do all the things I love to do, but thankful for what I can do. I relate to what you wrote.

    I just said a prayer for you.

    You are a gifted writer and have a beautiful spirit. Keep writing...and I will keep reading. :)

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  14. Oh thank you for sharing, know that each and everyone of us loves you and lift you in our prayers. Know that you are not alone in this, we are all here for you! Love you,

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  15. There is always grace here, friend. I'm sorry for your physical struggles and I pray that you'll get some relief. It seems like small comfort but as you said, you could have so much less. Thank you for your transparency. You have a gift here, with your words.

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Thank you for the kindess of your comment. I pray your patience with the word verification. I've had such troubles with spammers lately. Thank you for grace. I look forward to reading all the comments and responding. I appreciate you!