Along the path of life, I had encountered enough obstacles that trust was a tremendous issue for me. I had seen the many faces of betrayal and kept very few people on close confidence, and those that were, were a long time coming. And even though this is the God of all Creation that we’re talking about here, I still had a problem with trust.
I made the mistake of transposing human mistakes and flaws onto the face and character of God Himself; thinking so often that because those around me had faltered and failed me, so would God. During my time in the desert, He was faithfully determined to prove otherwise.
It was during this time that I was introduced to Ann Voskamp and her book One Thousand Gifts. Nothing moved me quite like her writing or her introduction to the concept of eucharisteo; a Greek word for thanksgiving that wraps itself around the word for joy – the idea of discovering a life of joy through giving thanks. And giving thanks in all things. She writes:
The act of sacrificing thank offerings to God – even for the bread and the cup of cost; for cancer and crucifixion – this prepares the way for God to show us His fullest salvation from bitter, angry, resentful lives and from all sin that estranges us from Him. At the Eucharist, Christ breaks His heart to heal ours – Christ, the complete accomplishment of our salvation.I tried then, to begin living out that idea: that thanksgiving precedes the miracle.
|photo by hotblack|
- There’s a particular medicine that I need to have on a daily basis that runs about $300 a bottle. We had no insurance, but the company that manufactures the medicine had a plan for low/no income families; allowing me to receive the medicine for a year.
- While attending a Saturday mens conference at our church, my husband won the grand prize of the day – a gift certificate to a local tire shop. It helped provide four brand-new tires for our car, just as ours were balding, fraying, and on the brink of splitting.
- One afternoon a friend called and asked for my grocery shopping wish list. I didn’t quite get the gist of the conversation but played along, pretending I was really shopping. Several hours later she showed up in our driveway and began unloading bag after bag of groceries (I think there might have been fifteen). She sat with me in my living room and just talked, held my hand, and listened; understanding that accepting help was hard for me; and yet showing me through her gentle grace and joy that this was a blessing for her too.
- I’ve always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and really struggled with having to go back to work. Although my husband was home with my daughter, I really wanted it to be me. The time in the desert allowed me to have a little time in this role, to participate in her classroom, to be the mom that picked her up on the playground, and just enjoy this time to watch her grow.
- I’d prayed for the longest time that my husband’s relationship with the Lord would deepen and grow and that he would come to desire the role of the husband that God had in mind for him. During the desert years, he began attending Bible Study Fellowship and has truly started becoming that man that God has designed him to be. His strength and patience are my rock, and I’m so grateful for him.
- One Saturday in August, a friend stopped by for a quick chat and to drop off a card for me. She said the Lord had been prompting her to share something with me and she hoped it would be a blessing. After she left, I opened her beautiful card (that alone touched my heart) and found a gift card for Fred Meyers in an amount that made my heart stand still. In His perfect timing, the Lord worked through this friend to help provide back to school supplies and clothes for my daughter for that school year. And a few other things too – it was that generous.
I could fill pages of the blessings and miracles that were shared with me and my family during the desert times. And I truly believe that each and every one of them was God speaking grace and love into my life to remind me just how much I was loved and just how much I could trust Him.
As I began to trust, I began to have a better understanding of things I needed to learn while in this sacred, difficult, necessary space. There would be more lessons now that my heart had been healed and was trusting His way completely again.
I'd love to connect with you some more - stop on by the Three Bees Facebook Page or connect with me on Twitter @3BeesBlueBonnet. During the 31 Days Challenge, I'll be using the hashtags #desertjourney and #inspirationalandfaith80 if you'd like to join in or follow along. Let's continue the conversation!