Thursday, May 1, 2014

Five Minute Friday - Mess

Five Minute FridayOn Fridays a bunch of brave writers gather here to all spend 5 collective minutes writing on a single prompt. It is here that fear falls away, because scared is the new brave. There is safety in this community that rallies ‘round you – whether you’re having an utter confidence meltdown and are sure you can’t write anymore, a catastrophic parenting meltdown and are sure you can’t mother anymore, or just an epic almost Friday breakdown and are just not sure. These women – they’ve got you. This blessed, beautiful place where we open our hearts and let words and tears and the inner workings of our lives bleed and flow and dance across the virtual pages. Yes, this community opens wide and invites you in to share. Come and visit and read. You will be blessed.  

This week: Mess


Go


Quiet now my heart. I know it’s been a while, but this rhythm is nothing if not familiar. Already the frizz and thrum of my phone has come alive like a throng of embrace in a room I might have walked in to. That’s just what it’s like – coming back to the Five Minute Friday community after a month-long sabbatical. These are my people. This is where part of my heart will always hide.


Already though, I’ve felt the hedge in my words. My fingers hover over the keys instead of flying. Pausing makes you thoughtful. Introspective. Aware. Simmering in the wise words of other women – ones you look up to and listen to; sinking yourself deep into the roots of specific scriptures and letting yourself germinate like a seed – it makes you less likely to go slap-dashing across the page just to see the ink spill. At least it does for me.


This time away has been so good. There is so much I want to say. But I am pausing here in the white space; lingering in the margins before diving in full force because of some of the things I saw in the stillness. Without the distraction of the next prompt and the next page to fill, I stood face-to-face with my reflection and looked into eyes that did not want to look back and meet mine.

I wish I weren’t so critical? Have you ever felt that way? Not only of myself, but of everything around me. I used to find comfort in saying that I set the bar high for everything - including myself. I wasn’t asking for any standard I wouldn’t exact from my own flesh. But really, where did that exacting get me? Into a big pile of critical mess – that’s where. Wrapping myself in my idea of integrity and exacting my idea of perfection, control, and justice until there was nothing but an unattainable measure of my own making. Brilliant. 


This is otherwise known as a hot mess. 


Until somewhere in the quiet and the stillness, words trickled through that allowed me to see that exaction is taxing at best and only damaging in the long run. That it is not my job to set the standard or the bar. And that perfection is nothing but a hamster wheel in disguise – running nowhere and leading to exhaustion and immobility.


What I need – what you need – what we all need, is grace.
God’s grace.
His healing.
His measure.
He never said, clean up this mess and come to me.
He just said come.
Just as I am.
Just as you are.
Come.

Stop


Tonight’s prompt was inspired by Kristen Welch’s new book, Rhinestone Jesus. You can read my review and enter to win one of two copies if you click over here. I hope you will. Blessings and grace to you friends.








How to Join
Want to know about Lisa Jo Baker, how Five Minute Friday got started, and how to participate? All the details are here. No editing or second guessing. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.

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11 comments :

  1. So grateful that He didn't make me clean up my mess before I came to Him. Otherwise I'd still be waiting! Grateful for His grace.

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  2. Beautifully said - and just what i needed to hear. Thank you!

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  3. "Wrapping myself in my idea of integrity and exacting my idea of perfection, control, and justice until there was nothing but an unattainable measure of my own making." <--- I am *so* guilty of this. Thank you for reminding me about grace!

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  4. From one critical mind to another, it's so very easy to set standards that no one can attain, even (or especially) myself, and then use that as an excuse to not even try. Or maybe that's just me. :-) I won this book from Karrilee and am so excited to read it!

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  5. I am sitting right there with you on that critical bench. I tend to but so much pressure not just on myself but on others around me that lead to disappointment, give up and/or just not even trying. Thank you for reminding me that that is not how He would have me to live and He offers grace in it all.

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  6. Love this... (and welcome back, my friend!)

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  7. Beautiful, honest words to describe what it means to step back and then embrace again all God has set before you! Blessings, Mary!

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  8. Beautiful words. Welcome back. I've been away from the 5MF for so long I wonder if I will ever find my way back there. Have a lovely tomorrow!

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  9. OH, I SO understand the the mess we get into by being hyper-critical of ourselves and others! Welcome back and thank you for sharing your heart today :) (ok, on Friday or Thursday night...I was away all weekend and am just now catching up!).

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  10. Very thought provoking. Love it!

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Thank you for the kindess of your comment. I pray your patience with the word verification. I've had such troubles with spammers lately. Thank you for grace. I look forward to reading all the comments and responding. I appreciate you!